Torchwood has me so excited and distracted that I forgot my period was due and so I forgot to take the preemptive painkillers and other assorted drugs and now I hate everything!!!!!!!!!  Except Torchwood but I'm PMTy enough to do some serious smashing if I am provoked by anything I don't like tonight. 

Well, tuns out that it was definitely cancer.  Obviously that was removed during surgery but it does now mean that there may well be more treatment in store and tests to see if there's anything else to be worrying about.  She was also having problems with calcium and was going all tingly but they're on top of that. 

I think that having confirmation has been quite hard on Robyn, she wasn't very happy today but tomorrow all of her uni friends are coming to see her so she'll enjoy that.  I think that in some ways this is good coz she skipped as stage as it were. She didn't get told "You have cancer and we have to operate" she beasically got told "It was cancer but we took it out"  but it's still a bit of a shock for her. Mum is still freaking.  I honestly don't know if I am just in some form of denial or just the mostsensible level headed person in this family or just a coldhearted bitch but I'm fine.   

I made her mini quiche and mini cupcakes today to cheer her up. Unfortunately the mini cupcakes got squished somehow and were just mini cupcake carnage when I opened the box.  I also managed to give myself the worst burn in the history of ever while getting the cupcakes out of the oven.  My right thumb slipped out of the oven glove and went straight on to the muffin tin.  I sizzled!!! I had it on ice for over an hour while trying to finish my cooking (it's harder than it looks, you try making mini quiche one handed!!) and it was still wicked painful so I went nextdoor to see Ez, who's a nurse, and she gave me a painkilling dressing for it, which worked a treat.  I can't type very well though so I keep making typos.  The whole pad of my thumb is all blistered and red, it's a doozy... still not as good as cancer though!!!!  She totally wins!!!

They took the dressing off hr neck today, it's rather cool, it looks like you can unzip her!!!  She's like a wonderful cross beteen a slitheen and an ood as she still has the drain in her neck to get rid of excess blood.  She's not green nor does she have tentacles though, which is a bit disappointing!!!  And on that crazy note, goodnight!!!

It looks like Robyn does, in fact, have cancer.  Nobody is really talking to me about it so I'm not certain how definite this is but surgery has definitely been mentionned.  Robyn is getting drunk with her mates, mum seems about to fall apart and dad is using his sympathetic, concerned voice, which is always more worrying than anything that has prompted it. 

I am remaining calm.  There is no point borrowing trouble or worrying about countless what if scenarios.  I will simply do my best to help out where I can to make what I can easier.  If this means simply taking on the domestic tasks so mum can concentrate elsewhere than fine.  If Robyn needs a shoulder to cry on... well, to be frank I'll probably be crap at that, I'm too practical.  But I will deal with whatever is thrown my way calmly and practically and try to make it easier for everyone else.  And make lots of cake.  

ETA: Ok, mum's home now, having driven Robs back to Lancaster straight afer the appointment and I have more info.  It's not a definite diagnosis.  The super duper consultant has taken three biopsies in an attempt to get a result from them.  Every other bipsy has either missed completely (and we will be after her head on a plate for that one) or come back as inconclusive.  If the results from these biopsies come back as negative, then great.  If they come back positive, then treatment begins.  If it comes back as inconclusive again then the consultant has said that it is probably best to remove half of her thyroid as a preventative measure.    We should get the results in a week, two tops.  Then we'll know what we're dealing with. 

I'm still annoyed at myself about getting sunburn so badly.  I haven't let this happen in years!!!  Once I realised that my skin was always going to burn if I wasn't exceedingly careful I learnt to take measures and protect myself.  I am not good with pain and unfortunately I am still in a great deal of pain.  This skin on my back was obviously quite badly burnt as it isn't just the top layer of skin coming off but it goes quite deep.  And the blistering is just gross as they keep bursting. 

I am just cursing myself because how could I be so idiotic???  I know the risks and dangers, the least of which are being uncomfortable for a week.  My own natural vanity should prove deterrent enough as I hate looking like a bloody leper. I am fearful that my eczema will get a foothold in the raw skin and eat me again (a special talent of my skin's inhabitants).  Especially as I have invested a lot of time and money in making sure that I keep on top of any problems (vanity as ever being an excellent motivator!!)

My only excuses (much good they do me now) are that I didn't realise how hot it was and as I was busy walking with Frodo and then weeding and planting out I just didn't realise how much sun I was getting.  I still don't know how I could be so bloody stupid but I am suffering for it now.  It's just embarassing, I know better so why did I not realise??? I'm pissed off at myself because this s all my own bloody fault and there's nothing I can do except learn the lesson once again and try ot to cock up again.  I hate making mistakes!!!!!!

I didn't get the job.  This would be fine except I didn't get the job by just a micro nanometer.  There was one person who was just the tiniest bit better than me.  So they got the job. 

The recruitment consultant was going on about how positive they were about me and how it was such a good interview and I was just standing in the supermarket thinking "Who cares, it wasn't good enough, was it?"  It makes it worse somehow.  If it had just ben the usual "There were a lot of good candidates, blah blah" then fine but it makes me feel crap to be good, but not good enough. 

But, anyway.  Positive attitude, I did well.   So now I know that I don't let myself down in interviews and the recruitment agency knows that I am really very good just not good enough. 

I got this news, as I said, while standing in the supermarket and then had a little cry on Dad.  Luckily Dad was there, which he wasn't supposed to be as I was supposed to be driving myself around to do the last of the christmas food shopping.  Alas, the car is broken. 

First we were trying to start it with the key that doesn't work (except to open the passanger door) and then, once we had found the correct key and I had set off there was a blinky light and it wasn't driving well.  I did a u turn and came home but Bill (next door neighbour who's good with cars) said it was a service light and was probably just coz we'd been messing with it earlier.  So off I set again. 

Alas I didn't even get out of the village there was just no acceleration and it was all juddery and weird.  So I pulled over and called dad.  He told me to keep going round the village to the Garage and see if they could have a look.  Alas, the garage was shut.  So I managed to manouver it around, stalling it around 7 times when it just gave up on me, and went home.  Dad then took me to the supermarket and mum got a lift back from the office christmas party (to which I was not invited!!!) with a colleague. 

When we got back from the supermarket Robyn and I set out, slowly, in our little broken car to take it down to the Renault dealer in Boroughbridge.  We took magazines, mince pies, chocolate and cola in case of it just giving up and dying on us but we made it. 

Unfortunately, they couldn't fix it.  So they gave us a Scenic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It's utterly ridiculous.  Our courtesy car for Christmas is a bloody Renault Scenic!!!  We left our little Clio there and they were messing about with it some more.  It might be the fuel injection... it might not.  Nobody knows.  But Robyn and I have a Scenic to drive!!!  It's great!!!  It starts with a card, not a key and it has an automatic handbreak instead of a lever.  It's rather like driving a tank.  Its HUGE!!!

I've missed Sharpe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Bollocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm baby sitting. Like an actual baby!!! Robyn was supposed to be doing it but she got dumped. Yes, again. Noone tells me anything but apparently they were back together again but then she found some questionable photos on facebook and now he admits that while they were in the off phase last week he kissed someone else. Robyn is hysterical and broken hearted and obviously in no state to babysit. Mum has driven her across to Harrogate to get her stuff and yell at him some. I've never had my heart broken so I can't really help her. She's utterly distraught!!!! It's very depressing and I'm so out of my depth. So, yeah. Babysitting.

I moved back to Leeds today.  There's water dripping from my ceiling, there's a decorator in my room... not fixing the ceiling but painting the walls... which is great eccept I can't do anything with my stuff... nor my bed really.  Technically I will have a bed to sleep in but what with the paint fumes I'll probably be better sleeping on the sofa downstairs.  Luckily Charlie is away coz I'm sorry Charlie but I've had to put my stuff in your room for the next few days while he paints mine.  I feel we'll be doing this a lot while they paint yours and Em's room too.